Pa-do grabbed a fistful of sand and watched the water sift through his fingers. He slapped it onto the wall, which was now waist high.
“Hurry Ji-gu before the tide comes in!” yelled Pa-do.
Pa-do and Ji-gu moved rapidly to solidify their fort and watched as the waves grew bigger.
“Ji-gu! The waves can almost touch us!”
They screamed and cackled as they splattered sand all over each other. The waves barreled in and grew in height as it charged the shore. The boys huddled down and braced the walls of their fort. Eyes wide and bodies tense with anticipation, they pressed against each other as the shadow came crashing over them.
That was the last time Pado spoke to his beloved brother Ji-gu.
Pa-do was now in his third year in school. Three years had passed since his brother’s death but Ji-gu’s smile clung to his thoughts as he looked out the dusty school bus windows.
“Pa-do! Let’s go make a fort at the beach today.”
“But I want to go fly my new kite.”
“Ah come on! Look at the waves. They never get that big. It looks like so much fun!
“Hmmm…ok, but afterwards can we fly the kite?”
“Deal! Let’s go!”
The bus came to a screech.
“Goodbye Pa-do, see you tomorrow.” Waved Yiri the bus driver.
Pa-do climbed out of the bus and looked out at the blue rainbow on the horizon. A flock of gulls glided along the shoreline, past the sun-baked fisherman untangling his green net and land next to a group of brightly clothed old ladies sifting through the rocks for shellfish. Pa-do opened his bag and pulled out three sticks wrapped in red parachute cloth. As he spread the kite out on the sand the fisherman walked by with his net draped around his neck.
“Hey, what are you doing here all by yourself? Are you trying to fly that thing?”
“Yes sir.” Replied Pa-do.
“You’re never going to get that thing off the ground. There’s no wind today, not even a breeze.” The fisherman threw a feather in the air and watched it float straight down. “See!” he exclaimed.
“Sir, I’m going to wait for the wind. It will come today. It has to.” Pa-do pursed his lips.
The fisherman shook his head “Ah! You’re either a very stubborn or a very patient young boy.”
Pa-do waited and waited. He waited till the sun was sagging along the horizon and finally picked up the strings of the kite. Determined to fly it once before the sun set, he bolted towards the water. He yanked the strings up and ran as hard and fast as he could. Meanwhile the kite jolted into an arc and for a second it lingered in the air, then spiraled into the sand. With each tug, it arced and then crashed. He then lunged the kite into the ocean and yelled
“Ji-gu! Ji-gu! Where are you! You promised me you would fly my kite. Where are you Ji-gu!” He dropped to his knees and drove his fists into the sand as he cried “brother, brother.”
Pa-do’s father was waiting outside for him when he got home. They looked long at each other.
“I’m sorry I’m late father.”
“Where were you?”
“ I..I went for a walk on the beach.”
“ Are you ok?”
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“Your mother is worried about you. Go wash up and help me set up dinner for her.”
He washed off the sand from his hands and feet and shuffled around in the kitchen. A pot of taro soup was bubbling in the corner and steaming up the windows. He shoveled two heaping cups of rice into the rice cooker and turned the spout until his hand was completely covered in water when he pressed it against the rice. He closed the lid and turned the cooker on.
The parched paper doors to his mother’s room were yellowing from the heat rising from the ondol floors. He could hear his mother rustling in the room.
“Pa-do is that you? Come in here, let me see your face.”
He crouched in and rolled in to lie next to his mother. Her thin arms wrapped around him and the smell of mugwort lingered on her breath.
“Where were you? Your father and I were worried.”
“I’m sorry. I went to play at the beach with my friends and lost track of time.”
“You know today we’re having a meal in honor of your brother. You were supposed to help your father cook.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Are you ok?”
“Ohma…I just want you to get better. I don’t want to lose you too.”
“Ah Pa-do, I promise. I will get better but you have to help me ok. We have to all help each other let go of death.”
“But how ohma?”
“I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure that out. But I believe that we have a special place in all of us. A place where there is no sense of time or loss. Where there are no worries. Where we feel peaceful, loved and secure. And when we find that place, we can heal.”
“Ohma I’m going to find that place and help you get better ok.”
“Pa-do I am so lucky to have you in my life. I feel stronger already. Now go help your father before he gets upset.”
“That night the wave visited Pa-do in a dream. Only this time, he was the one trapped in its current and it kept breaking over him again and again.
“Roooaarr!” billowed the wave as it released its force
“Hssssssss!” as it pulled up its sleeves.
His fingers clawed at the sand as the wave gripped his legs. Pa-do panicked but remembered what his mother had told him earlier. He thought about all the times when his mother and father and Ji-gu laughed all together. He pulled it close to him so he could hold it in his hands. It was a warm, soft light that gave him a moment to be still and aware. He raised the light to the wave and suddenly, it stopped the wave in midair and there was silence. Only a slight breeze flowed between Pa-do and the wave. The sky shifted from black to shades of violet and burnt amber.
“Why are you so angry?” Pa-do asked the wave.
“Because I have no voice and I want to be heard.” Said the wave in a billowing low voice.
He watched as the wave slumped over.
“But… I’m here. I’m here to listen.” Said Pa-do.
He leaned forward and released his ball of light and opened his arms as wide as they would go to hug the wave. And the wave started to melt into a warm rain.
The next morning Pa-do woke up and smiled as he waded into the lulling ocean at dawn.
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